Saturday, September 15, 2012

Out Loud

One day there was a man lost at sea, holding on to only a life preserver, and he kept praying to God to help him, to save him in his time of need!
Well, a helicopter came by, and dropped a basket down into the water, but the man called to them "I am waiting on GOD to come down and save me! Thanks anyways!" came a boat that threw out a life raft, and the man said the same thing to the Captain of THAT boat...he was waiting for God himself to come down and save him...
The man finally drowned
When he got to heaven, he asked God "Why did you forsake me? Why did you let me drown?"
God replied "For cryin out loud I sent you a helicopter with a basket, a boat and a life raft!
What ELSE were you waiting FOR?

Remember this story about the fisherman stranded at sea waiting to be rescued?

I had been waiting for some kind of sign, some form of rescue. And now when I look back, I realize heaven or hell had sent me many of them. They just weren't the signs I wanted to see.  In life, we get so caught up in the drama, the gossip, the noise, that we sometimes don't see "signs" as "signs" - or at least not signs that are intended to target us, our very own personal email from the heavens.  And if we do recognize them as a some kind of sign, how do we know for sure how to read each sign, which signs mean stop, which mean use caution, which mean "make a quick U-turn"?

After I had been in my serious live-in relationship for over a year, little lies, little betrayals began to surface (not on their own of course, that was with me doing hard labor digging). They were not full on red lights, more like the school bus yellow caution lights, causing me to slow down but not completely step on the brakes. I just trusted that there was no oncoming traffic, and if there was, I was hoping that the injuries I incurred would be limited to soft tissue.

Then in mid-June of 2011, with what I thought was the ultimate betrayal by my sweetheart of the last five years, my sister in law said to me, "Be thankful this happened. This is a major sign. If you had any doubts and were considering patching up the tears in this relationship, think again. This happened for a reason" And she was right. But as right as she was, I was still wearing a heart in denial, hoping she was a little bit wrong.

A couple of months went by, the signs became mere road bumps in the highway of life, barely visible in my rear view mirror. But then another huge rock slide was just around the bend, a sign that could not be ignored, one that I would crash head on into. A betrayal so big that if I was to ignore this sign I should be committed ~ either to a mental institution, because there would be no doubt that I was insane, or even possibly prison, because it would be criminal to let someone get away with this "crime".   I would have been nothing less than an accomplice.

So back and forth, in my head, what to do, what do do. I needed to get out, get out of my house, out of my town, out of my own head. Do I move away from my life of the past 2 decades? Do I pack it all up and call it a day,  a good 21 year run?  Hard to leave a place that you have considered home for so long, the longest I've ever lived anywhere, to go off to a place full of uncertainty. I hate to admit it, but I don't have the fearlessness I did in my younger years. I was always known as the one that would try just about anything, move across country, without a job or a second thought. And everyone who knew me would say, "Oh well, that's Kim."

So one night I was praying. Yes, me praying. To anyone that might hear. To the angels, to the stars, to God.  Please give me some kind of sign. I need to know where to go, what to do. Please light the way, present me with some sort of opportunity, something to move on for. And then it hit me, as if the sign I had received in June wasn't enough. I was hit  the following September with a sign that flattened me like the road kill of  a mac truck.  It was like, "here ya go, stupid".  What in the hell did I want?  Obviously more than a sign, I wanted someone to come and read them for me and then take the necessary action.  I basically just wanted to go into a comatose state and let someone else decipher all of these messages.

But life doesn't work that way.  We are the masters of own house, the keeper of the keys.  And whether we like it or not, the work that needs to be done, needs to be done by us.  So, if you are having trouble reading any of the messages you are receiving, not sure exactly what the "sign" is saying,  enlist the help of one of your very literate friends (or sisters work great as well) to come over and read them for you.  Out loud.

1 comment:

  1. Don't sell yourself short, you saw the's just that your heart was in the way of acting on them. You have always been one who sees the best in people and gives them the benefit of the doubt. It's always good to have an outside perspective~ someone to say to us, "that ain't right!". Even when we don't want to hear it....unfortunately all of us could use it :)