Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Under the Big Top

Welcome 2012, I can't say goodbye to 2011 fast enough. This has been my year from Hell, my life a full blown circus production with all the old fashioned acts. Life under the circus tent - complete with a few clowns, the magicians who make people magically appear in front of our eyes, the disappearing acts where people disappear without a trace, not a sign or word from them ever again.

We even have the standard circus freaks, me, not quite officially the bearded lady at this point in time but I'm afraid if I let things go, give it another year or two, this circus act might be reinstated, with me as the headliner. Another subject all together, but ladies, you know what I'm talking about. These prickly little whiskers that now seem to pop up faster than another corner Starbucks or strip mall. But I'll save that subject for a later blog.

Yes, January 2011 started out immediately with a friend going MIA - a friend with whom I had shared a very deep and personal bond - or at least I thought so. His disappearance almost drove me mad. After many attempts to reach out to him, he did finally surface one day in early August in the form of a scathing email. But it was an email that was so vicious and made no sense that I could never really be convinced that it came from him.

Not long after that, another friend, that I had known for at least 10 years, after many long conversations, topics covering religion to politics, to how people can treat each other so badly, disappeared. Just like that, one day he was gone. Apparently slipped into quicksand somewhere, the Bermuda Triangle or a long lasting coma . I made a few attempts to find him too, but I was already tiring of this search and rescue game that I had embarked on many months earlier.

Then September rolls in, my ex-partner shows up unexpectedly right in front of my eyes. Having last heard from him while he was supposedly at a hunting camp in Maine, only to see him materialize right on my next door neighbors doorstep one week later! Amazing, in the blink of an eye ~ just like that! Magic!

And to end the year with a bang, a new friend ~ one that gave me a bit of hope, apparently buried himself alive in his own dirt and confusion. And with his burial went that small flicker of hope that I had for the immediate future, for 2012. A hope that this one at least was honest, transparent, no trickery up his sleeves. And in all fairness, I guess for all of these "friends" it wasn't so much trickery as cowardliness. A trait they all seem to share.

In the Wizard of Oz, the Lion asks for courage. And this is what I wish for all of my circus friends that have such a hard time being real. To speak the truth, to face your fears, to live courageously~ and I plan to do the same. I discovered in 2011 that the circus life is not for me. So instead of running away to join the circus, I plan in 2012 to run away from the circus and follow the yellow brick road instead. I want courage, faith, truth, loyalty, a brain, all these things that maybe Oz can provide me. But if nothing else, if I can't have all of those, I know I can at least give myself a lifetime supply of Nair facial hair remover, and that's not a bad way to start the year.

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