Monday, March 29, 2010

An un-poetic ode to my inner fisherman

The end of March is inching closer and so is my time here at my “home” of the last two years. I rented a small storage unit a couple of days ago and got it pretty much filled floor to ceiling with items that can hibernate until they are needed. Hopefully this will be short-lived and I can reclaim all of my possessions within a few months time. That is my goal anyway.

So for now the home front dust is starting to settle and it looks like another coffee house/bar/kiosk might be brewing!!! I am meeting with the owner of a winery a few days after Easter to discuss the possibility. I have talked with him before and at the time it seemed like neither of us were that excited about it, plus I still had Portland on my mind. And I was pretty set on Portland. But of course, things have changed and now this is looking like an incredible no-brainer idea. I can’t really go on too much about this until I have actually talked with him further and we decide to give it a shot. All that matters to me today is that I have a chance to pull off this coffee thing, one way or another!

The next two days are still full of packing, sorting, trying to stay motivated enough to get this done. I have moved many times in my life but it is much more difficult when you are uncertain of where you are going or even why you are going. It is very important for me right now to stay focused on the future, only the future, because if I look back all I want to do is turn around and run back to it. I dream about being on the Cape, I dream about lighthouses and having my early morning coffee while watching the fisherman ready their boats for the day. One boat at a time, their dim lights flick on as they slowly putter out of the harbor. I must have been a fisherman or the wife of a fisherman in a past life. Walking that old widow’s walk, in the bitter chill each morning and the biting cold each night. I could gaze out at that scene for hours at a time, not looking for anything in particular but seeing everything I need to see.

Again, that brings me to always wanting to be somewhere that I am not. A couple of weeks ago I went to visit my sister in Santa Barbara. She took me to an authentic French bakery where we had the most incredible almond croissants and cappuccinos. The perfect company, perfect food, perfect place, and I said, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be sitting in Paris at a little patisserie right now?” And then after I realized how stupid and “un-present” that was, I remarked, “Do you now how many people wish they were sitting in a little bakery in Santa Barbara right now and how lucky we are?” That is how it is now, always wanting to be somewhere else. Must be my gypsy blood. I will try to appreciate Napa more, on a daily basis, quit day dreaming about the Cape, or Pacific Grove, or anywhere on the coastline for that matter, and I will appreciate the beauty and desirability of this valley. I mean really, somewhere, someone right now is saying “Can you imagine sitting in Napa, having an espresso at a really cool little roadside coffee joint with the smell of wine in the air?”

We miss you Dan Fogelberg –

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