The Emotional Side of Aging

Photo by Anika Huizinga on Unsplash

Today I was driving near City College and a few young girls passed me on their morning jog. Not together. They came one after the other. It was one of the rare times that reality sort of grabs my attention, reminds me of yesteryear, and I feel a deep sense of loss as it goes sashaying by. It hit me how these young people have so much opportunity ahead of them, so many choices that they can make, so many different directions they can take. And I felt excited. For them.

But it is a melancholy day when you realize that most of your major life decisions have already been made. You have already had your chance to choose a career, the size of your family, the man/woman of your dreams, the place to call home, you’ve rounded third, you know, not much to do now but slide.

Now, this is just an observation, and nothing more.

This is not a letter of regret, confessions to my past loves, or anything of the sort. I realize that life is not over and there is still plenty to do and choices to make. But they’re just not the BIG ones. And there are times I’d welcome a do-over on the BIG ones.

I know a lot of times people look back and many of them say, “I wouldn’t change a thing” — I wonder how true this statement is. I wouldn’t have it any other way either as far as the friends I’ve made, the family that I have, and the daughter that has blessed my life like no other.

And yet, there are so many things I would’ve done differently.

If I’d only thought things through a bit more. If I would’ve known that so much depended on the decisions I would make. If I’d really taken this “life” thing seriously. Especially that old saying “life is short” or “in the end, it’s the blink of an eye.” I wonder where life would have taken me if I would’ve planned more as opposed to living the more free-spirited, “there are no mistakes” mantra. Could that even possibly be true? That there are no mistakes? If you want to feel comfortable in all of your choices, you can subscribe to that school of spiritual thought, that we really don’t have a whole lot of control over our destiny and that we are all exactly where we’re supposed to be in this very moment and all the others.

So then, this is it. Everything is exactly as it should be. Well, okay, things aren’t too bad, actually, they’re pretty good. It’s just that it would’ve been nice to have been consulted about my own divine plan.

You can't always get what you want ~

Mick said it, our Mothers said it, maybe even our best friend said it, but we still didn't think it to be true.  First of all, if you can't always get what you want, then who is it that gets to decide what you need? God, the angels, the universe, maybe PitBull (I know you want me, I know you need me)?  There are two sides to every story, two sides to every coin, one side tells us that we are in control of our destiny, that we make these decisions.  While the other reminds us that the future is not ours to see, that fate has the upper hand.  Is this a mind fork in the road of life?  You need to believe one way or the other.


There are some rules for setting intentions, since intentions are believed to get you what you "want" ~ the three main elements needed are to know exactly what you want, visualize the desired result, and expect the result to happen.  They say intention is that magical combination of will, motivation and desire.  But there is one small caveat, one little disclaimer when it comes to working with intentions, it goes like this;  All that you desire can be yours if your heart is pure, your intentions clear and your goals are in your best interest. 

Hmmm ~ pure heart, I think so, intentions clear, I believe so, in my best interest, well, I thought so, so I am going to go with a yes on this one.  So, if all that I am working towards, putting my energy into, is not in my best interest according to some universal wise man who has decided to keep it a secret until much later, how do you know?  How do you ever know if something is in your best interest?  It makes me wonder, all of the things, the experiences that I have received in my life, the things that really weren't that wonderful, was it just the lessons learned then that were in my best interest?  It seems there is always someway around this stuff.  I don't know.  I thought my intentions were clear, my heart pure but apparently the things that I think I want, like love, money, stability, and happiness aren't necessarily in my best interest right now according to what the "master know it all" has in mind for me.


Life is full of lessons, items bought and sold, no guarantees, and when it comes to time there is definitely a no return policy.  You live with all you've accumulated, good and bad.  There are always those few constants in life and I've realized that those are the things I need to focus on, pure heart, clear intentions and in my best interest.  Those things of course include my family and dear friends.  I guess it might contain unconditional love.  And along with the people I love, there are other areas that feel they are always in my best interest; there is the sun, the moon, the ocean, nature in general, highways, BMW's (even when they are behaving badly) and my one daily reminder that life is good ~ my morning cup of coffee.  Sometimes that might be all we need to start another day, to roll out of bed, put one foot in front of the other, breathe.  Yes, Folgers, you got it right, coffee, the best part of waking up.  Joni Mitchell had the dilemma, "love or money", mine right now seems to be love or coffee.  Think I'm going to go with the coffee ~ Starbucks, Peets, Coffee Bean, Stumptown, my loves, you never seem to fail me.