No country for old men (or women)

Photo by Andreea Popa on Unsplash

I’m all about looking our best, being our best. But I’m not in favor of using extreme measures to stay in a place we no longer belong. The problem? We don’t like old people in this country. This is a *No country for old men (and even more so, women.)

Our obsession with youth and beauty could’ve all started with Hollywood, the media, and the billions of dollars put into advertising — there’s a damn lot of money to be made at the expense of making people feel bad about themselves. We’ve seen and heard it enough to believe it — as gospel. As truth. And it’s become ours. 

The message has been received, loud and clear. Aging is ugly — aging is to be dreaded, aging is to be feared, and aging should be thwarted at any cost.

I know this isn’t news to any of you, but if we’re all so aware of this scam, if we’re on to these con men and women who have pulled this over on us, why do we continue to buy into it? We had to quit believing in Santa, the tooth fairy, and the Easter Bunny at some point in time, too. We’re not old dogs, we can learn new tricks — we can change our beliefs.

Do you know what the cosmetics industry brings in each year? In 2016, the U.S. was considered the most valuable beauty and personal care market in the world, generating approximately 84 billion U.S. dollars in revenue that year. This includes skin care, perfumes, cosmetics, but doesn’t include the plastic surgeries, Botox, and other procedures now offered in your friendly doctor or dermatologists office.

I’m not saying we can’t use cosmetics to enhance what we’ve got — want to wear a little lipstick, some blush, some mascara? Go for it. It’s when we feel that our naked, natural, face is unpresentable — we can’t go out without putting on “our face.” That’s not only sad, it is actually quite pathetic.(And FYI, the average age of a model that is selling us “anti-aging”skin cream is 14. We are not going to look like her, no matter how many layers of that “crap” we pile on unless we are 14.)

Besides being injected with Botox and derma fillers, we’ve been injected with copious amounts of fear — fear of being cast aside, becoming undesirable, invisible. 

Fear of being alone, being ignored, being forgotten. And since our beliefs create our reality, our reality confirms that we are only desirable, valuable, worthwhile, while we are young.

We need to start loving and respecting our faces — our bodies, our lives. We can’t stop time, we can’t go back, but we can go forward, each and every day, with self-respect, wisdom, and an “I’m here, this is me, I am worthy, valuable, and important until the day I’m no longer here” attitude — whether you like my thinning eyebrows and wrinkly upper lip, or not!

*No Country for Old Men takes its name from the first line of ‘Sailing to Byzantium’ by William Butler Yeats. The poem’s central message is that in order to be happy in old age we should abandon the world’s more primal pleasures and turn to the spiritual and eternal instead.

The Emotional Side of Aging

Photo by Anika Huizinga on Unsplash

Today I was driving near City College and a few young girls passed me on their morning jog. Not together. They came one after the other. It was one of the rare times that reality sort of grabs my attention, reminds me of yesteryear, and I feel a deep sense of loss as it goes sashaying by. It hit me how these young people have so much opportunity ahead of them, so many choices that they can make, so many different directions they can take. And I felt excited. For them.

But it is a melancholy day when you realize that most of your major life decisions have already been made. You have already had your chance to choose a career, the size of your family, the man/woman of your dreams, the place to call home, you’ve rounded third, you know, not much to do now but slide.

Now, this is just an observation, and nothing more.

This is not a letter of regret, confessions to my past loves, or anything of the sort. I realize that life is not over and there is still plenty to do and choices to make. But they’re just not the BIG ones. And there are times I’d welcome a do-over on the BIG ones.

I know a lot of times people look back and many of them say, “I wouldn’t change a thing” — I wonder how true this statement is. I wouldn’t have it any other way either as far as the friends I’ve made, the family that I have, and the daughter that has blessed my life like no other.

And yet, there are so many things I would’ve done differently.

If I’d only thought things through a bit more. If I would’ve known that so much depended on the decisions I would make. If I’d really taken this “life” thing seriously. Especially that old saying “life is short” or “in the end, it’s the blink of an eye.” I wonder where life would have taken me if I would’ve planned more as opposed to living the more free-spirited, “there are no mistakes” mantra. Could that even possibly be true? That there are no mistakes? If you want to feel comfortable in all of your choices, you can subscribe to that school of spiritual thought, that we really don’t have a whole lot of control over our destiny and that we are all exactly where we’re supposed to be in this very moment and all the others.

So then, this is it. Everything is exactly as it should be. Well, okay, things aren’t too bad, actually, they’re pretty good. It’s just that it would’ve been nice to have been consulted about my own divine plan.

The Numbers Game

As far as numbers go, when it comes to our age there are only so many “good ones” according to society, and society has dictated that they are all in the first quarter of our life!!! Imagine that. The only ages that are made out to be exciting are 13, 16, 21, and maybe 25 so you can lower your insurance premiums if you’re a guy. And then? It’s all downhill from there. 

So what do those numbers really signify? I guess it would be a type of freedom- considered a grown up, to be taken seriously, to be valued, to be considered old enough to get behind the wheel of a car, to drink alcohol, or to have a few years of experience under your belt. 

So now that we are older (with lots of experience) we should view each year with just as much excitement and anticipation of opportunity than ever before. We have acquired all the freedom we need, and we acquired it long ago.  Nothing to stand in our way.

But it is such a double-edged sword - we feel blessed that we get to live a long life and yet cursed that we are getting older. Something has to give here and I believe it’s our old attitude that insists we identify with a number. From our Driver’s license (and the usually hideous picture that does along with it) every application or health form we fill out, to the candles on the birthday cake-we are constantly being reminded of that benchmark - it is all about identifying us with a number.

We’ve been conditioned to believe we should look, feel, and act according to the number on our birth certificate. Imagine for a minute if you didn’t know how many years you’ve been on the planet, you have no idea. Would that maybe change the way you think about your life today or the things you want to do tomorrow? Do you think some roadblocks would be lifted? I do. 

But of course I am very well aware of my age, as I am my changing face, body, and attitude, but what I don’t know for a fact is how long I will be here on the planet. So age is actually irrelevant. It really only matters if you know the end date. That’s when you truly know how “old” you are.

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Divine Intervention

Can I go off again on the subject of aging?  I do know that I’ve sung this song a time or two, but mainly to the tune of all the physical break downs. As much as I’ve complained about the faulty eye sight, the aching joints, the stiff lower back, the mornings that take a little longer to welcome in the day, I don’t know if I’ve touched on the pure emotional toll aging takes on a person.

It’s hard sometimes to stay present and be in that state of gratitude for everyday that you wake up breathing.  Yes, I know I should get down on my knees and kiss the ground each morning. Let out a big hallelujah that I have been gifted another day of life on the planet.  And occasionally, I do remember to do this.  Usually it is on the days that my coffee tastes incredibly good.

Today I was driving near the City College and a few young girls passed me on their morning jog.  Not together. They came one after the other.  It was one of the rare times that reality sort of grabs my attention, reminds me of yesteryear, and I feel a deep sense of loss as it goes sashaying by.  It hit me how these young people have so much opportunity ahead of them, so many choices that they can make, so many different directions they can take.  And I felt excited.  For them.

But it is a melancholy day when you realize that most of your major life decisions have already been made, you have already had your chance to choose a career, the size of your family, the man/woman of your dreams, the place to call home, you've rounded third, you know, not much to do now but slide. Now this is just an observation, and nothing more. This is not a I'm not really gonna do it suicide note, a letter of regret to my past loves, or anything of the sort. I realize that life is not over and there is still plenty to do and choices to make. But they’re just not the BIG ones. And there are times I’d welcome a do-over on the BIG ones.

I know a lot of times people look back and many of them say, “I wouldn’t have had it any other way” ~ I wonder how true this statement is.  I wouldn’t have it any other way either as far as the friends I’ve made, the family that I have, and the daughter that has blessed my life like no other. 

And yet, there are so many things I would’ve done different.  If I'd only thought things through a bit more, if I would’ve known that so much depended on the decisions I would make, if I'd really taken this "life" thing seriously.  Especially that old saying "life is short" or "in the end, it's the blink of an eye."  I wonder where life would have taken me if I would’ve adopted an attitude of “planning” as opposed to the more, free spirited, “there are no mistakes” mantra.  Could that even possibly be true?  That there are no mistakes? If you want to feel comfortable in all of your choices, you can subscribe to that school of spiritual thought, that we are all exactly where we are supposed to be in this very moment and all others. 

So then, this is it.  Everything is exactly as it should be. Well, okay, things really aren't too bad. It's just that sometimes I wish I would have been consulted about my own divine plan.

 

I'm all choked up

It seems as though it is becoming a much more frequent occurrence, I can't seem to get through a meal without swallowing something down the wrong pipe. This of course causes coughing, choking, face reddening and watering of the eyes, and depending on where you happen to be, a mild to severe case of embarrassment. This time I got off easy, I was alone, typing. I just started to enjoy what I thought was going to be a delicious biscotti, when I'm not sure what happened, but I started choking, ruining of course my afternoon indulgence. I mean really, you often hear people say, "I must have swallowed down the wrong pipe" ~ but how many pipes are there and are we really in control of directing things to where they need to go? Do we need to swallow more slowly, tilt our heads to a certain side, breathe differently?

I know that in the back of our mouths reside two openings, or what we call pipes. There is the esophagus which leads to the stomach, the one we want our food and liquids to go down, while the other is the trachea, which is designed to get air through to our lungs. Okay, sounds good, makes sense. So you would think that like most of our other body's functions and abilities, it would be designed to work without much input on our part ~ and I guess most of the time it does, it works correctly.

I am sure there is some medical reason for this. I am not even going to go Google it right now to find out. But I would guess it has something to do with aging, maybe the openings get larger or floppy, leaning on each other, trying to hold each other up, taking up the others space. They probably have some surgical procedure to repair or help this condition. And I am not saying that this doesn't happen when you are younger, it most certainly does, but lately it just seems I am on the fast track to a Heimlich maneuver. It doesn't really matter to me the cause because it is not like I am going to do anything about it. There are a lot of areas on my body that could use some help, some cosmetic alterations if you get my drift, but it is just not my thing. But you can be sure that if I was ever so inclined, the last thing I would be concerned with getting tightened would be my esophagus!

I just know that this is one more thing to add to the "not so great things" about aging . Everything gets a bit more difficult, getting out of bed in the morning, touching my toes, blindly trying to find my reading glasses. And now you have to be so much more careful. Getting out of the shower, stepping off the front porch, and now this. Even eating and drinking, and the simple reflex of swallowing has become hazardous to our health.