“When I can't sleep I count the buckles on my straightjacket.” ― Cathie Linz, Bad Girls Don't

I don't sleep through the night.  Now I know I'm not alone here.  I haven't met anyone lately that sleeps through the night.  I've blamed it on many things; from getting older, too much alcohol, bad food choices, menopause, and of course, a mind that never stops. It used to be that you would wake at 2:00 a.m., restless, flopping around like Raggedy Ann, or Andy, you choose, unable to get back to sleep so you would just lay there in your half waking hell, waiting impatiently for the first ray of the rising sun so that you could call it a night and rise with it.

Now in our recently cultivated 24 hour "open-open" world, where it seems that, just like New York City, nobody ever sleeps, I can now wake in the middle of the night, open up my resting laptop and check Facebook, where I'm sure people are anxiously awaiting my comments, my likes, my photos and Instagrams.   Checking FB, I see a couple of posts by friends, 2 hours ago, 43 minutes ago, 16 minutes ago.  Wow, they are up too?  Wow, he was up at 3:00 a.m.?  Does the whole world have insomnia ~ afraid we might miss something if we drift off for too long?  I don't know about you, but it is nothing if not exhausting to be expected to perform at this pace. 

My waking life has sort of reduced itself to a small smattering of good friends and then of course, my FB page, which houses my 100+ friends.  (Yes, I am aware, that is a VERY low number of friends!)  A few nights ago I woke again around 4:00 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep.  Pulled my computer over onto the bed and entered my screen name. The world had continued on while I had been resting.  News from around the world.  AOL, Yahoo, BBC, I took a quick scan at all the latest.   Hmmm, Obama got the crap kicked out him by Romney in the debate, and now they are saying it may be a game changer, Tommy Lee has at least 50 tattoos, McDonald's is making big changes to the coffee menu and Roseanne is tweeting about Portlandia.  Okay, I needed to know all that.  Then to FB.  A couple of posts from friends that live on the other coast or on another continent, and then I wait.  Like a kid on Christmas morning, waiting for his parents to get up out of bed and get this party started.  I wait to see who is up, what starts to scroll on the side page, "Come on" I want to scream, "get up!"

Mornings used to be my cherished time alone.  A good 2 or so hours of gentle waking, drinking coffee, sitting and thinking about my day ahead.  No one would call until at least 8:00 ~ no distractions.  But now I am like some journalist for CNN or Tweeters Daily, I need to know immediately what is going on.  It's like I might miss something if I don't "connect" immediately upon rubbing the sleep from my eyes.    

My boyfriend has an iPhone (as does most everyone else that I know) and during the night it will beep, it will buzz, it will chime, with notifications that someone has sent a text, an email, a voice message or has posted something on Facebook.  And heaven forbid if any of us want to wait till morning to find out that we missed that Cathy or John "Liked" Bill Maher's link at 2:27 a.m. ~ craziness, yes, absolutely nuts.

Could it be that we are always on because we never feel like we've accomplished enough?  That we have unfinished business.  Answering emails at 1:57 am, watching an episode of Modern Family from your Hulu queue because you couldn't watch it on Wednesday night?  I realize this is the way of the world now, and to some degree you have to participate.  Sink or swim.  But I'm feeling like I just want to do the doggy paddle for awhile, float on a raft with my shades and a Mai Tai, or sit on the side of the pool with just my feet submerged.  I need some sleep!

"No, you go"

I've lived in the Bay Area for a good part of my life. When you drive the East Bay, North Bay, San Francisco and all the rest, that old "only the strong survive" really applies. You learn to drive fast, you learn to merge, you learn to share the road, cars race past you, motorcycles zip between lanes, which commonly known as lanesplitting can scare the wits out you. While legal in several European countries, here it is only legal in California, like foie gras, it is something we could've lived without. Driving here is a game of skill, fast paced and you better be ready to play.

On my visits to Portland I have observed, a lot of it through my own California expat daughter's frustration, the lack of driving skills that people in Portland seem to have. I guess no one is in a hurry there, it is laid back, there is a kick back vibe similar to a California beach town. Not that that is a negative, it is just something that requires time getting used to. From the frantic pace of the bay, it seems like someone forgot to set the alarm clock, everyone operates on snooze. They drive slow, they don't bother using turn signals, they never seem to use their horns, and they are polite to the point of being obnoxious. "You go", "No you go" back and forth and it can go on for what seems like forever. Finally you both go at the same time, hitting the breaks and then it is Finnegan begin again, "You go", no "You go". Makes you want to pull your hair out or go pull the other driver's hair out.

Now that I am in Santa Barbara I am experiencing a similar driving style to that of Portland. There is some debate (in my own head) I guess as to whether these drivers are actually "bad" drivers or simply "courteous and polite" drivers. I think it is bad driving when one almost comes to a stop while merging onto the freeway. Get your ass out there! Speed up. Don't slow things down. Between (a) the retirees who really have no place to go, (b) the "should have given it up a long time ago" surfer dudes and their "hey man",(c) the I'm assuming illegals, only because they must be driving that slow to avoid getting pulled over, to the (d) "you gotta love them" tourists who think it is okay to stop anywhere to have a look see ~ all of them combine to bring forth deadly road conditions. Deadly in the sense that I just might have a case of road rage here and it won't be pretty. The speed and competency with which they drive gets an F rating in my humble aggravated opinion. If you noticed here that I tossed out any attempt at being politically correct, you would be correct.

I notice that when the speed limit is posted at let's say, 25 miles, people actually go 25 miles or heaven forbid, 20. This is a new phenomenon for me. I expect people to drive at a minimum of 10 miles faster than the speed limit. It is just a given. This would be considered courteous driving in the Bay Area. It's called, "Get out of my way, I've got things to do, places to go, people to see, and I bet you do to." You would think that driving around in this type of beach town would be rather relaxing, or as some people seem to say here, "chilaxing" ~ but I'm not feeling it. It makes my blood pressure rise and makes me long for the good old freeway, that beautiful stretch of interstate. Put me behind a big rig any day. Yes, I think I feel a road trip coming on.