Monday, April 2, 2012

No Virginia, there isn't a tooth fairy


Anyone who knows me, really knows me, is aware of my love of rice pudding and Lays Baked Ruffles Potato Chips. Not necessarily at the same time. My previous blog was actually titled "Rice Pudding and Baked Lays." That's how much I love them.

I have pretty much given up the chips. They are, strike that, were, my addiction. But I think I've kicked the habit and only treat myself to them rarely, when others are buying. I wouldn't dream of actually purchasing them at the store myself. They wouldn't last through the unpacking of the grocery bags. And that, I will blame on the small amount that is actually disguised as a large amount by the deceitful packaging that is now common practice. I mean really, I don't think there is much more than one serving in the entire bag!

So, on to the rice pudding. I love pudding. Rice, tapioca chocolate, butterscotch. But one day it hit me, there may come a day in my not too far off future where this will be the only food that my mouth and body will dictate that I eat, along with Jello, Cream of Wheat and other easy on the mouth and digestive tract types of food. Maybe I should save this treat for a later time and indulge myself in Snickers Bars or toffee. I don't want to get burnt out on it just in case.

Speaking of case, in point, my best friend Virginia had to have a tooth extracted last week. She was kind enough to send me this lovely photo of said tooth. Now, since this was a back molar,
I don't know the number since I don't work in the dental field, but I know it is the last one in the back of your mouth, her dentist told her they would just pull it out, she didn't need it anymore. What? Didn't need it anymore? She was okay with that diagnosis until the morning after, when the realization of what had just happened sunk it. Why didn't she need it? It was like being told, "hey, you don't have that much time left, not that many years left of chewing, no need to replace it." She was actually saddened by the loss, like a snake shedding it's skin, not needing that coat anymore. But it isn't the shedding part, it is the part where there will be no further coats needed! End of the line. End of story.

I tried to cheer her up. It could be worse, it could be a front tooth. I thought the tooth looked like some exotic animal tusk, maybe we could make an exquisite piece of jewelry with it. She could wear it around her neck. Like Angelina Jolie and her vile of blood. Virginia could just wear the tooth. Or sell the gold. I mean, that's a plus, right? She needed to be compensated somehow for this loss. By the way, that is not her below, but I just liked the picture, and she seems happy enough.

But truly, it is a bit disturbing when parts of your body leave you, tossed aside like any other item that has gone beyond it's shelf life. Appendix? Don't need these, don't even know what they do. One kidney, goodbye, can survive with one. Uterus, goodbye girl, you are now rendered useless, and teeth, who needs them? There are liquid diets you know. Little by little you see yourself come apart, like the game Operation, or like a cinnamon pecan pull apart. Okay, I know, the pull apart might seem like a bit of a stretch here but it just sounded good to me in the moment. But damn, the only problem is that I think you would need teeth to enjoy it.


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