Driving me mad

My idea of enjoying nature is driving down the Pacific Coast Highway on a glorious spring day.  Or visiting the local garden nursery with all the new tomato seedlings sprouting.  Driving up the Silverado Trail where the strawberry stands have opened is always a treat.  Seeing the hydrangeas in bloom and ready to purchase out in front of Whole Foods gets me excited.  While driving along Rutherford Road where one of the wineries competes with Holland by displaying a rainbow of tulips as their ground cover is nothing short of spectacular.  Some might say sad, but true, most of my escapades into nature are with me safely behind the wheel of my beloved BMW.

I would have to rank driving on the top of my "things to do for fun" list.  I absolutely love being in the car.  I have noted before that there are exceptions to this.  Driving with a car full of people, driving a U-Haul truck, driving without music or if in the dead of summer, without air conditioning, and getting stuck in bay area traffic can be a real buzz kill.  But other than that, to me the car represents freedom-  as obviously it does for so many other Americans.  No wonder the car pool line has a meager few cars zipping by the standstill lines of solo drivers.

For me it is the one place I can be completely alone.  Free of all obligations and time away from what someone else feels I probably really "should" be doing. I don't have to answer the phone, my door, to anyone, unless I get pulled over by the CHP which happens every now and then.  But that usually only lasts for a few cordial minutes, and then I'm back out merging into traffic.

I do have other activities that I enjoy, such as reading a book, baking the occasional cake, working on an art piece, writing a blog - but I get restless being inside. I get claustrophobic - even in my own house.  Sometimes I get all worked up if I start thinking about the fact that I am contained inside 4 major walls.  I can even drive my own self crazy if I start thinking about how I am contained inside my own body, behind my own face!  I can't stand seeing anything in a cage, an enclosure.  I feel sorry for little hamsters, kills me to see a chicken or a rabbit, and moving on up to the larger creatures on earth, it gets even harder to take.  I believe it stems from a past life experience. I have been told by not one, but two, psychics that I was a prisoner at one time in a past life.  Seems like I am still trying to stage the perfect escape.

So because of this past life karma, I am now destined to feel anxious, restless, and sometimes almost frantic to get out and get away .  The exact opposite of the agoraphobic - I have to leave the house.  And drive.  So with the current price of gas it has become an expensive joy ride.  While others have their expensive addictions or hobbies, like heroin, skiing, alcohol, golfing, gambling, shopping, mine is an addiction to fuel - for my car, for my sanity. 

One of the benefits of living in the Napa Valley is that we can drive through some gorgeous country - through the vineyards, over to Marin and Mt. Tamalpais, through Sausalito and over the magnificent and always impressive Golden Gate Bridge.  There is nothing like driving on Hwy 101, past Sausalito, going through the Waldo Tunnel and seeing the Golden Gate emerge. Breathtaking.  My equivalent of skydiving. 

Mt. Tamalpais in Marin County

Silverado Trail

The Golden Gate Bridge through the Waldo Tunnel

I am not ready to give it up.  They say before you can give up an addiction you must admit you have a problem.  I don't see a problem yet - maybe when gas reaches 6 or 7 dollars a gallon I'll have to rethink my spending.  And I don't want a lecture on what I am doing to the environment, I know, I know.  I give where I can give, recycling, using cloth grocery bags, but don't ask me to give up the car - I can't give up the car.

Let's see, I could give up the daily latte, that will buy me 1/2 gallon, give up some items at Target (did I really need to buy that root touch up? Going gray could be a good thing. That will give me another gallon).  Somethings gotta give.  As important as the air I breathe, is the ability to drive, to see things I might never see, to get my daily fix of freedom and that wondrous feeling of being alive.  With my music blasting, my cell phone off, and a full tank, I am one happy camper.

Basking in your warm sun

Towards the Sun, Follow the Sun, Sunshine on my shoulder, we all crave the sun, need the sun, run away to vacation in the sun.  Why then, would I even be considering a move to Portland, the land of gray skies and little sun? No doubt the sun warms our skin, warms our souls, gives us a healthy glow, and nourishes us with necessary Vitamin D.  But my sunny life here in Napa is depleting me of many other nutrients, like laughter, love and the energy to jump out of bed each morning, excited to see what each day will bring. I don't think I am in need of a prescription for Zoloft or Lexapro, nothing that drastic, but it is obvious that I really do need to examine my life, decide what is important, what inspires me and in general, how I want to live the rest of it. I think it was a Cheerios commercial on TV, where the man makes birdhouses and wants to keep his heart healthy so he can continue doing what he loves, and he loves making birdhouses.  What do I love?  Hmm.  My interests change as often as spring turns to summer, or sometimes as quickly as day turns to night.

But what never changes is my love of home life, family, friends, and for me, Napa seems to have a shortage of all of those.  With my family and friends scattered across the country, I'll admit, the number one reason I'm thinking of a move to Portland is because my daughter lives there.  And as corny as it sounds, she is my external and internal sunshine.  I wasn't one of those mothers who had a baby, reared them until the ripe old age of 18, and then kicked them out the door, so that I could be off and running to live the second half of my life on some cruise ship to the Caribbean or some retirement community in Florida.  I still want to be part of her life, and really, I'm not a stalker or a helicopter mom, I just want to attend her performances, take an occasional early morning walk in the park, meet for lunch, have tea at the Tao, once in a while snuggle up together and watch a movie, and lucky me, she wants that too.

Olivia and Bryan - aka Suckerforlights

I've always believed that it is the people that make a place.  I've said it before but maybe I need to hear it again, you can live in paradise, but if you live there all alone, your little paradise can become your own little run down strip mall. To me, Napa is like the great *pretender.  I have lived here for the past 20 years and watched the wine industry take over the valley, completely.  We now have over 400 wineries.  We have some of the countrys' most upscale restaurants and sought after chefs, Thomas Keller and his French Laundry, Iron Chef Morimoto and the new Morimotos on the Riverfront, Richard Reddington of Redd in Yountville, Tyler Florence, Michael Chiarello and Cindy Pawlcyn are just a few others that staked a claim in the Napa stew of celebrity chefs.  From the newer architecture to the popularity of Bocce ball, Napa is a mix of French and Italian wannabes.  It can be a wondrous place if you own a vineyard, a winery, an upscale restaurant or work in an industry that profits from tourism.  Napa is definitely a small town that caters to its visitors and not the local residents.  An upscale Mayberry, all polished and perfected, for all the world to see, an image to uphold.  Food carts are few and hard to find, we have about 4 total and for those 4 I'm sure the permits and licensing were a nightmare to get.  They are located off by the railroad tracks, out of sight.  In Portland they occupy it seems like most every corner, giving the people who live there the opportunity to eat great food at a great price, at perhaps a small bistro or picnic table next to a trash can.  Ah, please, Napa would have to give their eyes an eyewash of antibiotics after witnessing that!  There is a great little book out about the food carts in Portland that my daughter bought me last Christmas, http://portlandfoodcartsbook.com/

And yes, in Napa there is the sun, the weather definitely makes life easier.  No ice to scrape from the windshield, no snow to blow out of the driveway, only seasonal rain fall that makes you remember, Yes Virginia, there is a season called winter.

Food carts in Portland - gotta love em

People in Portland seem to be satisfied earning enough money to get by, but truly value their free time much more than a large paycheck and a substantial savings account.  They love to meet up with friends, eat out, drink wine and beer, attend festivals, listen to music, get involved in the community and in general live a kick back, unpretentious lifestyle.

Of course for me Portland has more than great food, it is home to the neighborhood coffee house. Coffee, coffee coffee.  You have the Stumptowns and the Starbucks, but you also have a multitude of home grown coffee houses and roasters.  On our outing to Sellwood last weekend, a neighborhood in the Southeast, we came upon the Blue Kangaroo.  Best mocha I ever had, with Red Square on Belmont coming in a close second.  This has truly become one of my joys in life.  Trying every coffee house I come upon and rating their product and baristas.  And I have met some of the happiest and seemingly content baristas around in Portland.

So far, our favorite and happiest Barista in Portland!

To sum it all up, we can get all the sun and shine we need from that actual bright burning star or we can get it from people, places, things, family and friends.  You might get it from a friendly barista serving a great cup of coffee, a little schnauzer excitedly taking you on a walk, an awesome dinner at a cheap Thai food cart, acknowledging what is important to you, or just plain relaxing, simplifying and enjoying your way through life. Finding whatever it is that lights and warms you up inside, and it might be something as simple as making birdhouses, but once we find it, it can be like a strong dose of pure sunshine.

Little David Bowie waiting patiently outside Blue Kangaroo in Sellwood while we grab a coffee- best mocha ever!

Jackson Browne - The *Pretender
I'm gonna be a happy idiot
And struggle for the legal tender
Where the ads take aim and lay their claim
To the heart and the soul of the spender
And believe in whatever may lie
In those things that money can buy
though true love could have been a contender
Are you there? Say a prayer for the pretender.